Unknown

               Some of you may wonder why the title of this is called Unknown. Honestly, I couldn’t find the right words for this. I’ve been so caught up with everything else around me, with work, and my book. I feel as if I have lost myself this past week. Losing my grandma, it’s messed with my head and my heart, and all of the other drama that has come with it. And when things start to mess with me badly, my mind goes a million miles per second, and it doesn’t stop. A lot of people have different ways to process their thoughts. Those ways are called outlets. Outlets are good to have so you don’t have everything build up at once, if that happens, you just want to scream and pull your hair out, and that feeling makes you feel overwhelmed.

              I’ve starred at this blank page for hours now, not knowing where to start. Or what to write because everything I want to say is hard to express in my writing today. I always have something to say, believe me, ask anyone who knows me, who really knows me. Right now, I feel so lost. I haven’t been this lost since my car accident. I thought writing my book would help me, it has but I still feel lost. Not being in a relationship for the longest time now, I feel alone, I feel unloved. And it’s not like I can’t get into a relationship and it’s not like I don’t want a relationship, I just feel, I feel lost. I don’t know how to find myself again.  I listen to music all the time, and it takes me out of this stage of loneliness, well, at times it does. And then there are the moments that music makes me miss having someone in my life. I know that I should feel fulfilled in life, and that you don’t need to be in a relationship to feel complete. Well, yes that’s true and it’s false. I mean if a person can go a long time without being in a relationship, and feel complete, and not seeking some kind of way well okay then.  And now I’m at that point in my life, I don’t need to be in a relationship, I want to be. Will it actually happen? Who knows. But I know I can’t keep feeling this way.

As Always XOXOXOXO NicoleHeart