Beautifully Shattered
Being a hopeless romantic my entire life with falling in love or getting my heart broken I have always known that I truly wear my heart on my sleeve. I know that may sound stupid. This time it is hitting me hard I can’t seem to figure out why after every heartbreak I never really had any “walls” up to be able to protect myself from letting myself fall in love again with someone new someone who isn’t an ex. When someone is in a relationship, we all (most) have these “walls” up to help protect us from heartbreak, from crying repeatedly, and from breaking into a million shattered pieces. My entire life I grew up in a household where love didn’t exist, I thought it did I thought my parents had loved each other but they didn’t. Somehow that unloved environment never followed me when I started to get older. I knew to always show emotion when you love someone. By loving my kids until my very last breath and beyond the grave. When I became a mom I showed my kids how to love and how to care about someone and that there was never any hate in the world (which I was wrong) but I think back now with my oldest about to be 17 years old and a senior in high school next school year my son who is 15 years old on his way to being 16 in a blink of an eye and my youngest how she will officially be a teenager in just 3 months. You always wonder if you raised your kids right, did you give them and show them enough love by giving them all the love you had?
Being Beautifully Broken Beautifully Complicated has become harder and harder the older I get. At times I feel like I am Completely Shattered, when all the broken pieces have fallen to the ground, I find a way to pick each piece up to put them back together again once more. I guess the only way to express my feelings my thoughts has always been through my writing. I mean come on think about it how do you think so many authors get their books published every day? They write their books to express their feelings and their thoughts it has always been the only way to ever get through to anyone these days. I felt back then was simple, easier, and less complicated. My parents never taught me how to love, I was born to love, I was born to be a hopeless romantic always falling on my feet, never having any balance, and being the clumsiest girl you will ever meet. Sweet, caring, and strongly believes in soul mates.
I have read thousands of novels about love, true love two people who are meant to be soul mates who are meant to fall madly in love with each other and to spend the rest of their lives together in love, and happiness, and both of them getting their happily ever after. Does a happily ever after exist you may ask? I strongly believe that when two people two souls are meant to be, they are truly meant to be with each other to spend each day together in love and happiness and they don’t care what anyone else thinks because they know the person, they love is standing right in front of them with arms wide open and not giving up so easily. Just remember when you meet that person who makes your entire day just by sending you a good morning text, or texts you during the day just tell you they love you and miss you and they can’t wait to have you back in their arms because they are incomplete without you. When you find that person, you know they are your person your everything even if in the middle of the day they call you just to hear your voice because they are fucking miss you so damn much it kills them not being there with you. Or when you are without them, at home all alone crying yourself to sleep because you don’t have them, they’re with you to hold you and tell you everything will be okay because you can’t help but have your heart on your sleeve and it feels like a curse because you love too easy you love too hard. Just to give it one more try a lullaby and turn this up on the radio if you can hear me now I’m reaching out to let you know that you’re not alone and if you can’t tell I’m scared as hell because I can’t get you on the telephone. Just close your eyes because here comes a lullaby your very own lullaby
Let me take you out of the darkness and into the light because I have faith in you that you will make it through another night to stop thinking the easy way out, there’s no need to go and blow that candle out because you’re not done, you’re far too young and the best is yet to come. I know the feeling of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge and there is no healing from cutting yourself with a jagged edge, it’s never that bad take it from someone who’s been where you’re at laid out on that floor, and you are just not sure if you cant this anymore. I will leave everyone with those words.
As Always XOXOXO Nicole Heart
